Love is… not living together before you wed, say scientists

Scientists surveyed more than 1,000 married men and women in the United States and found those who moved in together before popping the question reported significantly lower-quality marriages and a greater potential for splitting up than other couples.

Of those who cohabited before getting engaged, around 20 per cent had since suggested divorce, compared with 12 per cent who moved in after getting engaged and 10 per cent who did not cohabit before marriage.

In the UK, more than three-quarters of couples live together before marriage, and one in four children is born to parents who are cohabiting.

Jackie Walker, Scotland's first divorce coach, said: "You see it frequently where people decide to get married or have a baby or move house in a bid to save a relationship.

"But the problems are usually much deeper than that. Choosing to get married can change the dynamic of a relationship.

"If it has been used as a last resort to show commitment to one another, I don't think a ring really shows that."

Participants in the study were aged 18 to 34 and had been married ten years or less.

About 40 per cent reported they did not live together before marriage; 43 per cent did before engagement; and about 16 per cent cohabited only after getting engaged, according to the findings, published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

Professor Scott Stanley, co-author, said: "It seems wise to talk about commitment and what living together might mean for the future of the relationship before moving in together."

The Denver University researchers say couples could even be nudged into nuptials because of a joint lease or shared ownership of a pet, along with other practicalities, and the initial reasons for moving in together could affect the relationship quality.

Psychologist Dr Galena Rhoades said:

"We think some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting."

In another study by Dr Rhoades published earlier this year, cohabiting couples ranked reasons for living together.

Those who listed "testing the relationship before marriage" as the primary reason were more likely to score high on measures of negative communication such as "my partner criticises or belittles my opinions, feelings or desires".

Dr Rhoades said: "Perhaps if a person is feeling a need to test the relationship, he or she already knows some important information about how a relationship may go over time."