FASHION

Yes, Kate Moss looks stunning in wellies, hot pants and a waistcoat while trudging through Glastonbury. But please - don't be fooled. You're Scottish, right? So accept that corned beef flesh is not the same as golden tan. Dress for a Scottish summer. Wellies, cagoule, layers, roll-upable troosers, and take a couple of carrier bags in your pocket - for clothes holders when it heats up/a seat/shoe covers or a puke pot. You decide.

SCHEDULING

Festivals are all about the experience, but you can get trashed in a field with your mates without spending a couple of hundred quid for the pleasure. So get yourself to the information boards at the start of the day, or better still, grab one of those running order neck passes so that no matter where you are, you won't miss your favourite bands.

DRINKING

There will no doubt be plenty of smoothies and health drinks on offer, but we all know that's not the kind of drinks festivalgoers want. Cider, lager, breezers and buckie are what you'll most regularly see being consumed. Don't worry if you haven't got one in your hand, you'll have one thrown over your head, down your back or all over you within seconds of the band striking up.

CAMPING

Rule 1)

There is no such thing as sleep in a festival campsite.

Rule 2)

Believe me. If you find yourself clueless, directionless and tentless in the middle of the night among a sea of strangers and tarpaulin, seek out the best party and throw yourself into it. Your mates are probably doing exactly the same two tents away - you just can't see them. If you haven't found each other by sunrise, you'll meet each other at the bacon roll and coffee stalls soon after. You're now officially a fully fledged festivalgoer.