"Tom, Fred… these are terrible figures but just avoid being tricked into uttering words like catastrophic, disastrous, crisis. Disappointed is good. It shows contrition and humility. Make sure you apologise.

"Oh, and remember the song about accentuating the positive. They all think you've overpaid for ABN Amro, but we are experts at integrating businesses. Yes, we lost a shed-load of money but don't forget there's an underlying profit. The businesses are strong and resilient. Now go out there and Make It Happen."

So the half-yearly gathering at the London offices in Bishopsgate got off to a predictable start and after 90 minutes of hard tackling, the two knights got a decent result, deeply disappointed and apologetic but determined to see RBS once again hitting the back of the net.

The £691m loss turned out to be better than the worst expectations, which had forecast as much as £1.7bn. Maybe somebody deliberately hiked the figure so that it didn't look so bad when it finally came out. It certainly gave the shares a lift.

But never in so short a time has a board's reputation been so quickly turned on its head – from record profits and the biggest ever takeover to a record loss, a halving of the share price and, of course, that other record, the £12bn cash call on investors required to shore up the battered balance sheet.

No wonder Sir Fred Goodwin has no intention of resigning. Who would want to go out as the man who broke the bank in Gogarburn? He would have to be pushed, and there is no sign of that happening. As stated here previously, Goodwin is not the sort to run away from a challenge. When he said on Friday that he was "galvanised" by the bank's plight, he meant it.

But while he and chairman Sir Tom McKillop may have escaped the wrath of investors, the pressure is not yet off. Back in April this newspaper said McKillop was a likely fall-guy from the debacle and that may yet prove the case once the new directors he has promised are on board.

ITV's Grade needs a reality TV check

THE most startling fact to come out of ITV's results last week was that the channel still has such a big audience share. It certainly doesn't include me. When was the last time I watched an ITV programme? Er, I can't remember.

Michael Grade's return as executive chairman 18 months ago was hailed as ITV's second coming, but the programme schedule is dreadful.

Instead, he wants to drop the public service obligation, as he sees it as a drain on resources. Now, what public service broadcasting does ITV actually do? Er, I can't think of any.

He's also concerned about the tail-off in advertising revenue. That may have something to do with the awful programmes mentioned earlier. There is constant talk of a takeover, though with Big Brother maker Endemol among the likely suitors that could only mean more reality rubbish.

Weir there's a will, there's a way

WEIR Group's progress through the downturn of the past year has not gone unnoticed and should be rewarded when it unveils interim figures this week. The shares have consistently outperformed the FTSE 100 index, up by an impressive 235% over five years against a 31.4% rise for the leading shares.

This return reflects the turnaround instigated by Aussie boss Mark Selway who, for a time last year, was the most hated figure in Glasgow due to his plan to dismantle the company and sell the historic Weir Pumps business to Swiss firm Sulzer. It was the latter's plan to effectively run it down that prompted outrage.

The row overshadowed Selway's plans for the remaining parts of the business, which were to regroup around its core strengths and build an international platform. If that meant disposing of bits of tradition then so be it. In the event, Weir Pumps was saved by Glasgow boy Jim McColl, and Selway escaped a public flogging. This week, he should deserve a few plaudits.

At the trading update in June, Weir said it continued to benefit from generally strong market conditions, particularly in the global mining market, and reduced interest charges resulting from lower US interest rates associated with the group's recent acquisitions. The shares continue to look good value.