I'VE taken on the job of trying to potty-train our two-year-old. I hate to think of my little baby boy growing up, but have you seen the price of nappies these days? Plus, it'll be good for us – we can bond.
First of all, I bought the book (and yes, it was Gina Ford), which made it sound simple enough. Make it fun, she says. Ensure that you get him on the potty at regular intervals; and then praise him when he performs. "Provided you're in a positive fra
me of mind, you should manage to train your toddler within one week," Gina concludes. Easy.
Day one. He wouldn't sit on the potty. The problem was he had his trains to play with. I tried wrestling him for a bit but then I recalled that Gina had said you shouldn't force your child, in case he ends up viewing the potty as some kind of torture. So I gave up. It was only the first day. Still six more to go.
Day two. Progress. He sat on the potty. Okay, it was only for about five seconds and I was wrestling him again. But he did eventually sit there voluntarily. Then I remembered Gina's maxim, so I praised him to the rooftops. He was "a big, special boy". But then he quite reasonably decided that, having been thus praised, the whole exercise was completed and went straight back to his trains. Gina said I should now repeat this at least once every 45 minutes. But her book is only meant as a guideline and I figured that we had done quite enough for one day.
Days three to 11. The big problem with Gina is that she assumes you've got nothing else to do apart from fixate upon your child's bowels. Consequently, her crazily strict programme becomes utterly unrealistic. He was still sitting on the potty, if only to humour me. But the potty basin remained as untouched as the surface of Pluto. I was resorting to bribes. "Sit on the potty and you can watch Cars on the telly." This worked, but it didn't make him go. Oh no; only the feel of very expensive nappy-on-skin made him want to go.
Day 12. Finally, success. Instead of putting Cars on immediately, I told him he could only watch it once he had gone in the potty. He may only be two, but it was clear he understood the bargain: you give me a DVD, I give you pee. Sure enough, out it came. Such is the power of Pixar.
"As I keep stressing, the success of potty-training will depend on not only your child being ready, but on you being ready as well," says Gina. Whatever. The Barnes technique is as follows: bribe them then await the deluge. I really should write a book…
• Eddie Barnes is Scotland on Sunday's assistant editor
The full article contains 490 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
